Monday, March 22, 2010

Where Do We Go From Here?

This is a question that I've been pondering all afternoon. I'm not sure when I'll have the answer to it. I've made phone calls to family and some friends who have all offered support and a listening ear. As of this weekend I was all set to forge ahead with the pregnancy no matter what. I have to admit that after receiving the blow that we did today, I'm weighing all of my options. On one hand, I can't fathom the thought of ending my child's life. On the other hand, I also can't bear the thought of losing him before or after birth, not to mention seeing a baby that's suffering. This afternoon I found a few more blogs, this time of parents whose babies were diagnosed with Trisomy 13. These parents chose to continue their pregnancies. Unfortunately, the babies died not long after birth. They also did not have the abdominal wall defect that our baby does. I'd like to find a blog of a parent whose child did have that in addition to Trisomy 13, to see how they handled the situation. In the meantime, I have so many unanswered questions that I need to resolve within myself. Am I ready to face the journey of uncertainty that lies ahead? Can I handle all of the stress and anxiety it may involve? If the baby survives, am I ready to see it in such a condition? Will I be prepared to see it for such a short amount of time? If I choose to terminate, am I a bad person? Did I give up too soon? Am I letting others down?

These are questions that I don't know the answers to at this time. Keith and I have a lot of talking and soul-searching to do before we can come to a decision about this pregnancy. I just hope that God can lead me to the answer that will put me in a state of peace and understanding. I know that our family and friends will support us no matter what choice we make, and that means a lot.


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