It's hard to believe that it's already been a year since Ethan was born. I have to say that today hasn't been as hard on me as one might imagine. In fact, I've had a pretty good day overall. I think it helped that I was extremely busy at work and didn't have time to think about anything besides what I was doing. That's not to say that it's not still painful for me; believe me, it is. I still cry from time to time. I just haven't today. That's the thing about grief - it's a sneaky little devil. It hits you when you least expect it, and leaves you alone when you anticipate it. Grief doesn't care what the date is, because it will strike when it wants to. So while I may not be upset at this moment, that doesn't mean I won't feel bad tomorrow, or the next day, or 6 months from now. I’m just grateful that today has been a positive one for me.
What also has helped us is the gift that we are anxiously awaiting. Though you can never replace a loss, I think when something new comes along it helps you to move forward and heal. This pregnancy has definitely brought a renewed sense of peace and happiness to me that was missing after Ethan. I'll never forget him or completely get over his loss, but I know there's a new chapter being written in our lives. And I'm really looking forward to it.
So today Keith and I remember our beloved first son and wish him a Happy 1st Birthday in Heaven.
We love you, Ethan.