Back in April I decided that I wanted to start writing letters to Ethan. I thought this would be a good way for me to “talk” to him through the womb, as well as have a keepsake of my pregnancy that I could look back at and reflect on. I didn’t have a journal, so on my lunch break one day I stopped into Hallmark to see what they had. After browsing the shelves for a few minutes, I noticed one that caught my eye. I knew I had to get it. The front of it had a beach scene, with the word Footprints across the top. Underneath was this story, which you might have heard before:
One night a man dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord.
As scenes of his life flashed before him, he noticed that there were two sets
of footprints in the sand.
He also noticed at his saddest, lowest times there was but one set of footprints.
This bothered the man.
He asked the Lord, “Did you not promise that if I gave my heart to you that you’d
be with me all the way?
Then why is there but one set of footprints during my most troublesome times?
The Lord replied, “My precious child. I love you and I would never forsake you. During those times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then I carried you.
This really resonated with me. There were times when I had felt angry with God that He would put us through such an awful experience. I felt like I was being punished for something bad I’d done in the past, some sin I’d committed. I felt abandoned. Reading this helped me to realize that I wasn’t alone. God was still with me, He hadn’t left me. He had brought me to this challenge and He would carry me through it. I think it’s hard for all of us to remember that God is with us in times of despair. We want to believe that God is only there to bring good things to us, that He would never put us through pain or sorrow. When bad things happen to us, we naturally tend to think it’s because God has left us. But the truth is, He’s right there with us. Carrying us.
I still write letters to Ethan, and it's been a very soothing activity for me. Each time I get out the journal, I am reminded of God's presence in my life. There have been many times in this journey that I only saw one set of footprints.
But now I know they weren’t mine.