Sunday, August 22, 2010

Where Is the Time Going?!

That's what I keep asking myself. I thought that after Ethan's passing, with no more doctor's appointments every two weeks, time might seem to slow down a bit. But yet here it is, late August already! It's been a few weeks since my last posting, so here's a brief recap of what's been happening.

First, Keith and I have been attending the Grief Recovery program offered through our church. We've been to 3 meetings so far, and it is going well. It is nice to get a chance to connect with others in our community. This program has helped me to realize that there are many emotions involved in the grief process, and every loss experience is different. I'm learning that there is no "right" way to grieve, and no definite time period in which it should be completed. Reactions to loss are unique to the person experiencing them, and therefore cannot be compared with anyone else’s. I'm glad that we decided to join this program, and I think it will continue to benefit us in the weeks to come.

We also celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary, which was August 8th. We decided to go to the Bob Dylan concert the night before, which was held at Starlight Theatre in KC (an outdoor venue). As we were listening to the opening act, Keith pointed out a man who was walking towards us. He thought looked an awful lot like Harrison Ford. I turned my head to look, and confirmed that it was indeed him. That’s right folks, Mr. Indiana Jones himself was at the concert! Talk about random! We spotted him a second time walking to the concession area and I attempted to take a quick photo from afar. But unfortunately my flash was too delayed, and instead I got a picture of a brick pillar that he was passing behind. Darn you, Canon! Overall it was a good time and we’d only wished we’d known about Starlight earlier (before the end of its season). I love outdoor concerts, so hopefully there will be some good ones to go to next summer!

Lastly, I had my 6th week post-partum checkup on Thursday. It went well and things seem to be healing as they should. My doctor was again very supportive, and we talked about the prospect of Keith and I trying again in the future. He advised us to wait until my body and hormones have gotten a chance to get back to normal. Trying too soon can have an increased risk of miscarriage. I keep going back and forth between wanting to try again as soon as we can, and wanting to avoid it as long as possible. Right now the emotions from our last pregnancy are still there, and the fear of something happening again is quite strong. However, I also know that I very much long to have a child. Not to replace Ethan (as no baby ever could), but to share our love and his legacy with. But I know that to some degree it’s out of my hands, so all I can do right now is be patient and see what happens in the months to come.

So that’s our last few weeks in a nutshell (For some reason whenever I use that phrase I think of Austin Powers saying, "No, this is me in a nutshell! Help, I'm in a nutshell!" Okay, moving on...) Thanks for continuing to read our blog, and stay tuned for a possible name change. I’ve been pondering this for awhile, since “Baby Hoff” is a really vague name, and now this blog is about more than just that. Hopefully I’ll make a decision on this soon.

Hope everyone has a great week!



  1. I love reading your updates Ashley. I think I cracked up so hard at the end when you were talking about Austin Powers being in a nutshell. Because I thought the same exact thing! Haha. I can't wait to see what your new name change will be. I am so glad to hear the greif recovery group is actually proving to help you and Keith. I think it's really important that you're doctor is also supportive. I'm here as always and can't wait for another update =]

  2. i've been MIA on blogging lately... but i was so pleased to get on and read this update. you guys are amazing. thank you so much for sharing so much of your journey, and your heart with all of us... sharing baby ethan with us.

  3. Ashley,
    I tried to post something awhile ago, but I had a computer malfunction and it didn't post. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know I have been thinking about you and have prayed for your healing during this sad time. I can honestly say I have been there. It is such a weird time, with so many emotions. I am so glad y'all are going to grief therapy. This helped tremendously. I think what struck me the most early on in the classes is that death is so unnatural and something we were never meant to experience. I was reminded of how much God loves us and wanted to spare us before sin entered the world, and now everything is topsy turvey. Anyway, as you will find, grief is a weird thing. It comes and goes at any time or place... but Grief Share helps us know how to deal with those moments. I am so glad you and your husband are finding fun things to do together, that is also helpful with readjusting to 'life as usual'. I just wanted you to know that I am here and that I have thought of you so often. Please know you and baby Ethan are never far from my thoughts. -Katie