I cannot believe that another Thanksgiving is drawing to a close. Today was the first family gathering of the holiday season, and it’s felt rather bittersweet to me. While I certainly have very much to be grateful for, there is also a sadness within my heart. My mind has been bouncing between thoughts of what was and what could have been. I found out I was pregnant just before Christmas last year and (according to my calculations) it appears that it was right around this time that Ethan was beginning to form in my belly. It seems so crazy to think that I had no clue this little miracle was taking place inside of me! Once we knew we were expecting, my mind automatically fast-forwarded a year, and I pictured us celebrating our baby’s first holidays. But we’re not doing that. And who knows when we will. Sometimes I feel like we’re “back at square one” so to speak. We had 35 glorious weeks with our Ethan, and though he is now our angel, we have no physical children. On the surface, things are like they were a year ago-just the two of us. And I find that frustrating. Patience is a virtue that I must admit I lack a bit of, but this is one situation in which I must muster all that I have. It is not in my control if or when we conceive again. I must be patient and hope that if it’s God’s will for us to be parents again it will happen. It’s hard sometimes to maintain that hope and faith, but a recent tragedy has given me more perspective on this. A few weeks ago a family friend was in a very severe car accident. Her name is Amber, and she was a grade younger than me in school. Her mom babysat my brother and me, so we knew her family well. And unfortunately, this is not the first time they’ve faced such a scenario. They lost their youngest daughter in a car accident a few years ago. To think of their family enduring such pain again breaks my heart. But, by the grace of God, Amber has made remarkable progress since her accident. Her father and brother have been keeping a blog that is documenting this progress. What struck me today while reading her brother’s post was when he talked about trusting in the Lord and His plans for us. It can be easy to doubt Him and harbor anger when we are presented with painful events in our life. He made a great point about how at times we can be devastated when God’s plan differs from our own, or when we feel our prayers go unanswered. The statement that stays with me from his post is that “God works for the good in our agony.”
So instead of focusing on what I would like for God to give us, or resenting what I feel He has not, I will turn my attention to what we have already been blessed with: Wonderful, supportive families. Great friends. A home. Our health. Our jobs. Each other. And I couldn’t forget the doggies (though some days I wouldn’t exactly refer to them as “blessings”).
I hope that you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving, and that you have much to be thankful for. If you would, please keep Amber and her family in your prayers, that she will (in whatever amount of time it takes) make a full recovery- physically, mentally, and emotionally.
I suppose I should wrap this up for now. I’ve got to get some rest for tomorrow’s shopping expeditions! It should be interesting…and hopefully I won’t regret venturing out into the madness that is Black Friday!