A Rough Night

Last night before I went to bed I decided to look through the book that the doctor gave us last week after the amniocentesis. It's a book for parents who are faced with making a difficult decision about the babies they love. There are stories and anecdotes from moms and dads about the choices they made and how they healed. I hadn't been ready to look at this book when we got it, but last night I felt like maybe it might help me as we think about what we're going to do. To say the book overwhelmed me would be an understatement. I felt the grief and emotion that I'd kept at bay most of the afternoon come flooding out of me again. It just seems so unfair that God would impart this kind of pain to families like us, but I guess there's always a reason for everything that happens. The only good thing about having a cry like that is that it wore me out so I fell asleep really quickly. However, I woke up a few times in the middle of the night and my thoughts immediately went back to the baby.

Today I'm going to be calling the doctor's office in Kansas City to find out more about the option of terminating the pregnancy. I'm not saying that this is what we are definitely going to do, but I do need more answers about it before I can make a decision either way. I need to be as educated as I can be about terminating or continuing the pregnancy so that I know what the risks and benefits are of either choice. Please help me pray that through the information I gather, it will become clear to us what the right decision is.

Love,
Ashley